LIFE and DEATH
I was getting laid in those days. It was good, after years of drought, the rain felt very, very, very good. We had finished with one round some fifteen minutes back. I was reading Amitav Ghosh; she was trying to sleep off. But the bulbs just above the bed wouldn’t let her sleep, and “The Hungry Tide” was getting too interesting to be left at that point; switching the bulbs off was out of question.
You can’t suppress too long a girl who just has had sex. Soon she was all over me, kissing and caressing, closing my eyes with her soft hands, creating a “jheena purdah” between me and the book with her hair, begging me to leave the book, switch off the lights and sleep with her. Now you can’t expect a guy to disregard such a strong overflow of sensual expression who just has had his first sex of the day. Though I still tried to concentrate on my book, her every wet kiss gave rise to a wave starting somewhere below my right ribcage, traveling diagonally below and ending just above my right testicle. Yes, it was a wave, like the ones you feel in a bathtub full of warm water; that tingling sensation of the wave going down to your groins, and like the ripples in the water, reflecting back in all directions and sending tremors to all parts of your body. As the waves struck my extremities, legs got entangled in hers, hands went around her pressing her hard against my body……feeling her skin with my palms and fingers, as if for years you’ve stood alone in a rice field, and looked up at the blue sky, that canopy stretching above you—so enchanting, so appealing, but yet unreachable, untouchable, the higher you go the higher it grows above you; and then one day you suddenly knew just where to extend your hand to reach out and touch it, to feel that blueness against your palm.
The wave came up, up and reached my throat, constricted there as in a bottleneck; and I could almost feel that a lump has stuck in my throat, just like the one you can feel when you’re shit-scared and gulping your fear in; of course this time the movement of the lump was in opposite direction. Keeping the book aside, I raised my face upwards to give it a straight pathway up in the head. As the wave traveled up, my eyes closed involuntarily, lips and tongue started responding to hers, the head went in for a twitch.
I knew I couldn’t have waited another second to be inside her, when I realized that I used up the last condom I had in the previous round. I was scared of AIDS no more; I went for it without them. But just as I was about to enter, her hand held my organ and she said a firm ‘no’. there was no way I was to do it without condoms. I pleaded, I begged, I argued, I forced, but nothing could budge her. At that point my mind strayed off from sensual side to a more philosophical side and wondered “What is she so scared of?” Two answers came to my mind—AIDS and pregnancy. So different but still having the same affect!!! While AIDS meant a death, pregnancy meant giving a life. Then what’s that intersection of these two opposite ends of human life scale? I decided to look for an answer in the girl’s mind itself…
You can’t suppress too long a girl who just has had sex. Soon she was all over me, kissing and caressing, closing my eyes with her soft hands, creating a “jheena purdah” between me and the book with her hair, begging me to leave the book, switch off the lights and sleep with her. Now you can’t expect a guy to disregard such a strong overflow of sensual expression who just has had his first sex of the day. Though I still tried to concentrate on my book, her every wet kiss gave rise to a wave starting somewhere below my right ribcage, traveling diagonally below and ending just above my right testicle. Yes, it was a wave, like the ones you feel in a bathtub full of warm water; that tingling sensation of the wave going down to your groins, and like the ripples in the water, reflecting back in all directions and sending tremors to all parts of your body. As the waves struck my extremities, legs got entangled in hers, hands went around her pressing her hard against my body……feeling her skin with my palms and fingers, as if for years you’ve stood alone in a rice field, and looked up at the blue sky, that canopy stretching above you—so enchanting, so appealing, but yet unreachable, untouchable, the higher you go the higher it grows above you; and then one day you suddenly knew just where to extend your hand to reach out and touch it, to feel that blueness against your palm.
The wave came up, up and reached my throat, constricted there as in a bottleneck; and I could almost feel that a lump has stuck in my throat, just like the one you can feel when you’re shit-scared and gulping your fear in; of course this time the movement of the lump was in opposite direction. Keeping the book aside, I raised my face upwards to give it a straight pathway up in the head. As the wave traveled up, my eyes closed involuntarily, lips and tongue started responding to hers, the head went in for a twitch.
I knew I couldn’t have waited another second to be inside her, when I realized that I used up the last condom I had in the previous round. I was scared of AIDS no more; I went for it without them. But just as I was about to enter, her hand held my organ and she said a firm ‘no’. there was no way I was to do it without condoms. I pleaded, I begged, I argued, I forced, but nothing could budge her. At that point my mind strayed off from sensual side to a more philosophical side and wondered “What is she so scared of?” Two answers came to my mind—AIDS and pregnancy. So different but still having the same affect!!! While AIDS meant a death, pregnancy meant giving a life. Then what’s that intersection of these two opposite ends of human life scale? I decided to look for an answer in the girl’s mind itself…
posted by Amit D'Mani @ 1/12/2006 11:22:00 AM
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